16 December 2007

Venting Out

First of all, I must apologize: this post will not have a picture. Why? Read on.

I lost my mobile phone yesterday, and I cannot understand for the life of me, why it hurts so much. It is not even the amount, I know I will be able to manage that. The phone isn't even technically mine, as it is a service unit issued to me by one of my clients. I still have my personal line.

I have been processing my feelings and I am not even that attached to the device. I can't understand why I feel so miserable.

My last recollection of using it was at around 2PM yesterday, then as I usually do, slipped it in my right trouser pocket. It was around 6PM when I noticed it was gone. I have vague memories of glancing at it ocassionally or even feeling it in my pocket, basically out of habit, but then I wasn't sure.

Sure, it is the camera phone I use for my blog pictures, and I had taken some beautiful pictures with it I was meaning to post: some forest scenes with a real rainbow as backdrop, some sunset pics taken over the bay and some taken at night. All these pics were still on the phone, but I don't think that is why I feel miserable either.

It somehow feels like a bit of treachery, maybe more of fear, of insecurity, of inadequacy, of self-pity, of betrayal, of losing, of being cheated OR this feeling may even be a reaction from a previous experience, this dimension or otherwise.

Maybe I dropped it. Maybe it was picked from my pocket. Maybe I had misplaced it. I tried to retrace my steps, but I couldn't find it. You see, I had gone to 3 places between 2-6PM, and one of them was a party.

I have now decided to just let it go and bless the person who holds it right now.

Everything happens for a reason. Maybe the universe is collecting from me. Whatever it is, I must oblige if it must be.

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